This topic has been ruminating in my mind since the day we were told we had to go home and stay home. This day, for some of us… our dreams ended. The day to day of being a mom, a partner, an entrepreneur, a dreamer…. changed. We never realized how much we appreciated teachers (well we did, but this was another level). We never realized how much we appreciated stopping in at our local restaurant or bar to meet some friends after work. We never realized how much we appreciated getting up, taking a shower and heading off to work. All of these things made us who we are. They encompassed our strength and our accomplishments. We could get home at the end of a long day and barely be able to make dinner but we had purpose. We had the strength. We had the stamina to get it all done.
Then. It stopped. Everything moved inward. Life slowed to a crawl but our children’s minds still needed stimulation. That crawl also pulled us out of good habits and schedules. So what now? Sitting on the couch and watching the TV? The devastation happening in the world? It was real. It was terrifying. It was life changing.
In the beginning. I wanted to just tap out on the business I’d worked so hard for. It felt like everything was ending and nothing would ever be the same. A very strong human looked at me in that first month and said…. “This time is going to make the strong pivot to become stronger and more successful.” I laughed and said…. Not me.
Not ME? I’m sorry what? You’re going to take a major shift out of your comfort zone to ALLOW you to tap out? To throw your hands up and justify it? (I had every justification)
As the weeks passed and the sadness grew amongst us all. I knew I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t stay in this space that was allowing me to give up. I’m not a quitter.
So I dug deep. I literally forged a new hole that was beyond anything I knew I had in me. I stepped back and had to envision PIVOT, GRACE and CLARITY. That’s hard to do when you’re eating Jimboys delivered to your door every night. (I have no regrets) But, I did it. I looked at all the pieces of my life and put back together the ones that I could control. Then one by one…. it made sense. So I kept going.
Still, in the midst of the unknown…. I still have confusing days. I still have days that feel eternally different than anything I’ve experienced before. But you know what? Even when you feel like YOU AREN’T YOU anymore, that’s the place where the pieces of you that were waiting to shine are born.
Read that again and know that you have a whole new journey that is waiting to be uncovered by adversity, uncertainty and uncomfortable moments.
I’m proud of every one of you. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of the kiddos. I’m proud of our community. Every day, I find more to be proud of and more to be enlivened by.
So even though 2020 hurt me in all the places, those cracks are filled with determination and motivation.
Today. I know I am still me.
A.
the moments that awaken you. 